Have you ever heard the phrase “you can’t buy happiness?” Well the same goes for your kids, you cannot buy their happiness. Sure they will gladly accept all the presents in the world but it will never be enough to truly satisfy their needs. Our kids don’t need things wrapped up with shiny bows, they need our attention more then anything.
One of the most mentally challenging things about being a single parent is the guilt. No matter how happy you may be, the guilt is always in the back of your mind. The guilt of putting your child through so much, not being one big happy family or for having to be a working parent to support them. Often we try to cover up that guilt with presents. We try to buy our way to a “better“ life or to even go as far as being the “favorite“ parent. But just like Band-Aids the cover up is only temporarily, and soon when they rip that Band-Aid off, the guilt will come back around full swing.
My daughter is 3 and she has fully embraced and perfected the puppy dog look. She knows just who to ask if she wants something or if mom says no (my parents bank account would agree). And sure the look on her face when she opens up a brand new toy or a new outfit is wonderful, but it’s only momentarily. Soon those toys are no longer new (give it a day, okay maybe two days at the max) and the excitement fades. Those toys you spent more money on then you would like to admit or the ones who went to a million and one places for have all the sudden found themselves a spot in the forgotten corner. So what now? On to a new toy? Not exactly.
If there is one thing I have noticed this past year with Addie it’s that she‘s always asking who is going to be there. Who’s coming to her dance recital, school performance, swim class etc. She always wants to know who is coming to support her. And let me tell you, the smile on her face when she looks out and sees those people there is better then any new present smile. Addie has been in swim since she was 6 months old and I have only missed two (One I was sick in bed and the other I had a meeting at school). I have made all her school performances, dance recitals, dance classes etc. I may not be able to buy her the newest toy, a puppy or everything in site she sees, (we are lucky to make it out of the dollar store without a random Knick knack) but she can always count on me to be there sitting in the stands cheering her on as her number one fan. She knows she can count on me for anything and that, well that’s better then any present she could ever receive.
It is so easy for us parents to beat ourselves up for not being able to give our child material things other parents can. But let me tell you this, they won’t remember the time you didn’t buy them that ball, but they will remember the time you were there to cheer them on in their game. They forget material things but they don’t forget who wasn’t there for them. Instead of buying our kids presents, let’s focus on being more present in their life’s. Take the time to be there for each big and little thing, it means the world to them. Time is far more precious then rubies and gold.
~ I am proud of many things in life but nothing beats being your mother~
