Lessons in my 29 years

Entering the last year of my twenties is now official, and although some may find this fact unsettling, I am actually looking forward to embracing a new decade in my life. Personally, my twenties have proven to be the most challenging and demanding period of my life thus far. Throughout it, I have encountered numerous obstacles, tough choices, and moments where I felt like throwing in the towel. To be frank, a significant majority, if not all, of the insights I will be sharing in this blog have been derived from my experiences in my twenties. So without further ado, here are some life lessons I have learned in my 29 years.

1. Not everyone will like you, and that's okay. I found this lesson to be the most challenging to grasp. I had been relying on the number of people who liked me as a measure of my self-worth for most of my life. It is so important to understand that there is more to life than seeking validation from others.

2. Love is a bitch to put it bluntly. Love can be chaotic, frightening, and extremely painful. I have come to understand this repeatedly. Nevertheless, love is valuable. It is worth facing the pain and suffering for the opportunity to discover something genuine. Regardless of its duration, love is always worthwhile.

3. Not everyone who loves you, genuinely cares about you. Everyone in your life who loves you will tell you they care about you, but not everyone means it. Saying it and showing it are two different things. Read that again, and let it sink it.

4. What you see on social media isn't real. Having been raised in a generation that witnessed and thrived off the creation of social media, my teenage years were severely impacted. Let me emphasize that what you perceive online is not a true reflection of reality. Avoid comparing yourself to others; remember that where you are currently in life is exactly where you need to be.

5. The models in the magazine, don't even look like that. Society has overly focused and scrutinized women's bodies since the beginning of time. Life is about more than just being thin or conforming to society's ideal image of women. You are beautiful, deserving, and sufficient as you are.

6. Eat the damn food. Life is too short to count calories or skip out on meals because of worrying about weight gain. Have a piece of cake, enjoy that meal, just eat the damn food for God's sake without guilt.

7. Insults aren't love. I grew up believing that when a guy teases or is unkind to you, it means he has feelings for you. Therefore, consider it a form of flattery and date him. However, regardless of age, if a guy mistreats you in any way, do not tolerate it. A man should always communicate with you in a loving and respectful manner.

8. When someone shows you their true colors, believe it the first time. Trust your initial instincts when you notice something off about someone. Don't excuse their behavior, as it will escalate. Acknowledge the warning signs instead of dismissing them, as they are genuine and your intuition serves a purpose.

9. If he hits you once, he'll hit you again. This lesson is closely connected to my previous one. If a man behaves inappropriately towards you once, there is a high probability that he will do so again. Regardless of any apologies or explanations he may provide, the likelihood is that he will repeat the action. Please do yourself a favor and leave at the first signs of any inappropriate and non consensual behavior.

10. Seek help when you need it. I will admit, I continue to find this one challenging. There are moments when seeking help makes me feel like a failure or brings embarrassment, yet it remains crucial. You don't have to face challenges by yourself, nor should you. Identify your support system, your safe haven, and reach out to them when you need assistance. Those who genuinely care for you will respond to your need for help with nothing but empathy and affection.

11. Find your voice, and don't ever lose it. I kept quiet for a long time, allowing others to dictate my actions. I was raised to be submissive, to smile and stay silent, thinking it was the right and proper behavior for a girl. But let me tell you, the opposite is true. Rise up, raise hell, make some noise, shout as loudly as necessary, and never allow anyone to suppress your voice.

12. Kill them with kindness. Meeting someone who lacks respect and kindness can be challenging, but it is important to respond with kindness. You never know the struggles they may be facing or the reasons behind their behavior, and a simple act of kindness could make a significant difference in their day.

13. Stand up for what you believe in. I have experienced numerous losses in my life by not asserting my beliefs due to the opinions of others. Consequently, I carry regrets and long for the opportunity to alter the past. Stand firm in your convictions, even if you find yourself isolated. This is your life, live it on your terms, pursuing what brings you joy.

14. Two homes is better then one sometimes. For a long time, I grappled with the idea of having a "broken" family dynamic with my daughter. I detested the fact that she had to shuttle between two households and yearned for a picture perfect family scenario (which doesn't exist by the way). However, I have come to understand that having two homes is preferable to one when it entails my child being raised in a healthy environment. Two homes are superior to one when it means avoiding constant arguments and a relationship that falls short of true love.

15. Life is a journey, not a destination. Americans often rush to reach the next milestone ahead of others. Life should not be seen as a competition towards the end. It is important to savor each moment and not hurry through life just to move on to the next phase. Pause, appreciate every stage life presents, as one day you may long to relive those moments.

16. Money can't buy happiness. The best things in life cannot be bought. When your kids look back on their childhood one day, they won't care about who bought them the most expensive gifts or the size of the house they lived in. Instead, they will cherish the moments you shared with them, the memories you created, and the love and security you provided them with every day.

17. Set boundaries and stick to them. Setting boundaries is essential for maintaining a healthy lifestyle aligned with your personal goals. Whether it involves family or friends, it is perfectly acceptable to terminate relationships and move forward if they fail to respect your boundaries.

18. People will thrive off your failures, even root for you to fail. Let them.

    When I found out I was pregnant at 19 with my daughter, it made me feel as though everyone, even those closest to me, had suddenly become unsupportive. It seemed like they all anticipated my failure. In life, there will always be individuals rooting for your downfall, but it is essential to transform this negativity into personal empowerment. Refuse to let it hinder your progress.

19. Keep getting back up. Life will knock you down more often than you'd prefer, presenting you with your share of unfavorable circumstances. Don't allow it to defeat you. Fall down 9 times, get back up 10. Transform those setbacks into opportunities and continue progressing. There is a future you that will thank you someday, trust me.

20. There are better days ahead. During difficult times, keep in mind that there are better days ahead. Despite facing challenges that may seem overwhelming, there is always a glimmer of hope waiting at the end of the road. I promise you that things will get better.

While there are many other life lessons I could talk about, believe me, I have learned quite a few, I believe that these are the most important to share with others at this point in my life. These life lessons have been instrumental in shaping the person I am today after 29 years, and I appreciate each and every one of them. Although they may not have been pleasant at the time, they have given me a wealth of knowledge and a deeper understanding of myself that I would not have gained otherwise. May these lessons help guide you in some aspect in whatever stage of life you are in currently.

Here’s to 29 years, numerous life lessons, and what is yet to come in the next decade of my life.

~Trust the next chapter of your life, as you know the author.~