Two sides to every story

Growing up my mom always told me whenever someone spread gossip or rumors to consider there are two sides to every story before placing judgment or picking sides. As a single parent I have come to find that same statement ring very true with co parenting. Any co parent is more then familiar with the he said she said stories and blah blah blah. Yeah lets not talk about that anymore, our lawyer bills are a good enough reminder of those battles. But seriously, there are two sides to this co parenting s***show and today I am going to introduce you to the dad side of things.

Yeah yeah yeah I know what you are all thinking after reading that last statement, "her blog is called the life of a single mom, how the hell would she know anything about the dad side of things". And you would be completely right, I really didn't know much or have any experience in that area but thankfully I know more then enough people that do. So while this blog may be about the dad side of things, it is also dedicated to each and every single one of them.

Before reaching out to all the single dads I knew, I decided to write down my own thoughts and perceptions about them so I could compare and see how much society has influenced us to believe about them. Here is in short what I came up with; single dads have a bad wrap, they are often known as dead beats, behind on child support, want nothing to do with their kids and quite frankly their involvement is downplayed. Credit isn't given where credit is due. And you want to know something, I was right (for once, better mark that down). The most common factor in their stories were the misconceptions that a few bad apples and society have painted them to be. So without further ado, here is the real side to the life of a single dad.

I think we often forget that single dads are just like you and I, they are human and they hurt. They hurt because they witnessed their children's mother walk out on them. They hurt because they grew up in a less then ideal childhood and are desperately trying to break that same damn cycle for their own kids. They hurt because there isn't the same support for single dads as there is for single moms. And they hurt because some moms chose to use their children as pawns in their own destructive games against them. Single dads aren't the bad guys, they are trying their best to not fail their kids, just like you and I. And please for the love of God stop calling them or treating them like the babysitters.

In the eyes of the legal system, single dads often don't stand a chance. The minute they step into that court room they are chewed up and spit out. A judge often sympathizes with the mother and will order said father to give into ridiculous demands and or pay absurd amounts of money. As a result single dads feel all too well like they are weak and powerless and are forced to face the questions later on from their kids of, "why didn't you fight for me", or, "why didn't you fight harder." Single dads are involved in a never ending round of the blame game.

With limited parenting rights comes having little to no say in decision making. This sadly is where the other parent will use the child as their pawn. They will make decisions they know the other parent doesn't like just to spite them and will disagree on every little thing to make their life that much more difficult.

Single dads make sacrifices that go unnoticed. They put their finances, social/romantic life and professional opportunities on hold. After court fees or high child support amounts , these dads struggle to make ends meat and provide for their kids. They are left to work insane hours and/or multiple jobs which leaves little time for family and when they do get it, they are exhausted. Some as well have to foot the bills, extracurricular activities, etc all on their own because their children's mom refuses to pay her half. Relationships are put on hold in fear of letting another women get close to their kids and having her disappear causing emotional trauma all over again for them. They sacrifice it all for their children's happiness and so they don't have to miss out on opportunities.

With those sacrifices comes struggles. Bearing the weight of it all is hard mentally, emotionally and physically. Each day you worry if you are doing enough, you question if you are enough for your child. You fear not having that motherly figure in their life will mess with them somehow. You struggle to cook the meals, do their hair or just show that same kind of nurture a mother would. And you do so without the recognition you deserve.

To all the single dads out there who have stepped up to the plate, each day put their all into it and are making sure they are raising caring, compassionate and amazing human beings, thank you. While your hard work and dedication may go unnoticed to those around you, I see you and I am thankful for all you do. You are so much more then the stereotypes, gossip and bad wraps that have tarnished the single dad name.

And all the dads who are called lame for staying in with their kids instead of going out, doing the 5am diaper changes all alone and getting turned away by others for putting their kids first, thank you. You are the real superhero’s.

If you know a single dad I encourage you to reach out to them, ask them if they need anything, lend a ear to vent to or just thank them. And remember, there are always two sides to every story, please consider that before you pass judgement the next time.