Two is better then one

Would you rather have two cupcakes or one? For most of us reading that you are probably asking if that is a serious question, the answer is easy, 2 obviously. Alright fair enough, lets try that again, would you rather your child have two parents or one? If that question leaves you pondering what the right answer is, then you have got it all wrong. Sadly though that is how some single parents feel, they rather their child only have one parent involved then both. I am here to tell you no matter how hard it may be, two is better then one.

Side note: I understand sometimes two parents isn't an option. Whether you are a single parent due to a dead beat mom/dad or you left an unhealthy relationship for example, I am proud of you. You and only you are exactly what your child needs, keep being the best parent possible for them. None of that makes you any less of a parent. Keep pushing forward, the rest of us single parents have your back I promise.

Carrying a baby is hard, giving birth is excruciating but co parenting is a whole different level of those two. Going into this co parenting thing I had all the assumptions and "facts" about how this would go down. I mean it was this way or that way for family and friends so that must be how it will go for me...wrong. If you are new to the idea of co parenting or just beginning it, hang on tight, you are headed down one wild ride.

First things first, not all co parenting relationships have to be bad or considered a failure. Just like getting the hang of raising a human takes time and patience, so does co parenting. Trust me, there will be many many times you just want to throw in the towel or ask if this is really the best thing for your child, but believe me when I say it is. Two parents are better then one and one day your child will thank you for that.

Now my co parenting relationship isn't all rainbows and butterflies. In the start it was hard, I mean really hard. Mentally and emotionally draining for all involved. We fought about every and any little thing when it came to our daughter. We both had this idea in our heads of what was best for her and neither of us wanted to admit defeat. And on top of it all, neither parent wants to ever go without their child, period. But believe me when I say it is better to decide your child's future amongst the two of you then to let the courts decide. Your mental health will thank you big time and your wallet too.

I have been co parenting for 4 years now and while it may never be the perfect relationship, there are a few things you can do to help make it easier on all involved. First things first, COMMUNICATE. Day and night, 24/7, 365...okay maybe not that much but you get the point. Communication is the glue that holds any relationship together, and without it, you will fail miserably. This is one area we are still working on as it is harder then it seems. Be open, honest and up front (politely of course). Save yourself the time and say it when you think it rather then regret it when it blows up in your face later.

Always and I mean always put your child first. One of the hardest things to do when going through all of this is to put your own feelings, wants and emotions aside. Hate to tell you this but those no longer matter. Don't be selfish for even a second, the courts will take one look at your solo wants/desires and laugh.

Please do not ever lose sight of the reason you are doing all of this, because the minute you do, you have failed your child. You weren't given this child or children to play monkey in the middle with, or to use them as your own personal pawn, so stop playing the games and give your child what they need. Two is better then one.

When a step parent or significant other comes along, and trust me they will at some point, be prepared for the toll it will take on you. I'll speak from personal experience and say it is one of the hardest aspects of it all. I am fortunate in my case that said person loves and treats my daughter well as I know that may not always be the case, however, it is still a struggle to accept them fully into your new "normal". It helps to set boundaries early on to prevent further conflicts and when you are ready as hard as it may be, get to know them personally. The better you know them the safer you will feel having your children around them. A healthy co parent relationship with all involved parties is the best thing for your child.

Never and I mean never put your child in the middle of your adult conversations. Do not make them feel as if they have to choose a side or that they can't love the other parent. You are their safe space, allow them to break down and talk about it all. The way in which you handle this relationship sets the tone for their own relationships down the line. Please do not leave your child emotionally scared from all of this.

It is okay to struggle with co parenting, to not want to have to think about it or to wish back your old life as this one is just too painful. Allow yourself the time to process everything in a healthy way and do not hold it all in. Remind yourself you are only human and that even the strongest of people still struggle. Always look for the silver lining in everything and try your best to come to peace with your new normal.

Do not forget about your own mental health in all of this as well. Too often we feel the need to be the superhero's, the strong and brave ones who never crack under pressure. Except at some point you will crack, I take that back, you will explode. Every thought and feeling you pushed down below the surface will come rushing up all at once with vengeance. You will say or do things that you will regret and most of all, you will hurt the ones you love most. And when the smoke clears from your explosion, you will be 6 feet under and more depressed then you were before. Seek therapy, find someone to confide in or take to writing like me. Do whatever you need to do to feel like yourself again. Your kids need you to be alright more then anything else.

Co-parenting simply put is the most beautifully challenging and complicated s*** show you will ever take part in, but it is so worth it. The smile on your child's face will always be proof of that.

If your relationship currently is less then ideal please don't give up. Be polite even when the other isn't in return and show your child how to respect one another. Be the bigger person and take it from me, two is better then one.