Today I thought about you

Today I thought about you. Not that I don't everyday, but today was one of those stop me in my tracks kind of thought. One of those has it really been almost two years without you already? The one that brings me to tears thinking of all I have missed these past two years; the stories, hugs and endless love for your family. And I know you would be here today if Heaven wasn't so far away, and God do I wish it wasn't this Christmas. Today I thought about you as tears strolled down my face.

It's been almost two years but the pain is still there. What I wouldn't do for one more moment with you. If only I was able to stop time right in it's tracks for just a minute more. It's been almost two years and I can't help but think of all you have missed. I know you told us all you were ready and that Heaven would be better but God do we miss you. We felt it on my brothers wedding day when that dance you promised Grandma couldn't happen. Everytime we go to Sam's or the holidays come around we are reminded of that empty seat at the table. Today I thought about you and I pray you know how much we miss you.

The video Addie made for you when you entered the hospital for the last time popped up on my phone memories the other day. As I watched it with tears streaming down my face, Great Bapa's little girl as you always called her hugged me so tight and watched along side me. She misses you. Everytime someone mentions Heaven, your name is immediately said by her. Whenever we pass the hospital she points to it and says that's where Great Bapa was. And for a while after you passed she continued believing you were still there, I think she was just hoping for one minute more with you.

That hospital is where we all hold our last memories with you. It's where you gave some (okay all) of those nurses the hardest time, shared the most beautiful stories and joyfully sang "These boots are made for walking" as my little girl danced and twirled in her pink cowgirl boots for you. And yes I promise she is still rocking those proudly for you. That hospital room is where we all painfully said our goodbyes and watched you take your last breathe on this earth.

Today I thought about you. I thought about how wonderful this world was with you in it. I thought about the precious childhood memories I hold with you and how grateful I am my sweet little girl got to make some with you too. I think about you everytime I look at my little girl. The looks she gives and the faces she makes, I swear it's like looking at you all over again. She is truly my own little piece of Heaven. Today I thought about you, and I want you to know Addie and I both hope you have the most wonderful Christmas in Heaven.

Nothing in this world can or ever will prepare you for losing someone you love. Even if you know it is coming, it doesn't make it hurt any less. And after someone leaves this earth, you find yourself regretting not spending enough time with them. I can assure you if we knew that Christmas would be my Grandpa's last, we all would of spent it with him. This Christmas please do not take for granted the time you have with family. Hug them all a little tighter and soak up every second you have. What you may dread another person may be wishing for.

Today I thought about you, and even though your wings were ready, our hearts were not.

~Remembering you is easy, I do it everyday, but missing you is a heartache that never goes away~