The girl behind the smile.

I saw something circulating on Facebook a few months back about a picture challenge, kind of like the 10 year one but for better reasons. In this one you are asked to post a comparison of when you were in an abusive relationship vs now. The results were alarming because I think people were expecting to see photos that showed clear signs of abuse, instead however they got images of what appeared to be a normal and happy person. Abuse is so much more then the bruises and markings on the outside, it is emotional and mental as well.

It's time to take a look at the girl behind the smile as everything is not always what it seems.

It was a Friday night in early September. A horrible storm had just ripped through our town leaving the streets lined with fallen trees. I was at work during the whole ordeal, not quite the way you want to end the week teaching, positioned and snuggled in closely in the hallways bracing for a possible tornado. But it was also the Friday night we were to celebrate my sister turning 21, talk about entering that year with a bang am I right?

My boss as a result let me off early to try and find my way through the maze of twists, turns and detours. If only if it had been as simple as following the yellow brick road to home. My boyfriend closely watched the tracker unbeknownst to me on my phone during the adventure. I guess my coordinates put me in areas he believed to be any of my exes homes. Instead of a sweet "I'm glad you're home safely" text I got a "you're a lying bitch"text. The words, accusations and bullshit that followed that left me in tears on the bathroom floor.

You saw a smile. You saw a snapshot of what looked like the start to a great evening and a celebration of many things. What you didn't see was the shove up against the couch as he straddled me and screamed in my face. Or the grasp he had on my arms to the point I thought they would break. You didn't catch the way he forced his body onto mine for his enjoyment and the threat of his dad being a damn good lawyer, so much so he could get away with murder as I slipped away feeling completely worthless. That smile hid the thought of the horrendous and absurd stories he claimed he would tell my parents if I didn't play his game. That, that is what that smile said. But did you catch that?

Did you catch the girl inside screaming for help? Did you see the despair, hurt and pain that girl was enduring in her eyes? Or how this relationship had aged her and was wearing on her for more then enough reasons. And oh, how her outfit was picked out and approved by her boyfriend before hand. Makeup too had to be very minimal to avoid the attraction of someone else. Did you see how ugly and little he made her out to be? No. You saw a smile and assumed everything was fine. Unless you know to look for the signs of all kinds of abuse, you won't see any of the above at first glance.

That smile was fake. It was forced. It wasn't me. I threw that smile on as quickly as I had to recompose myself before stepping out of that bathroom to leave. But not one person saw that because as human beings we are damn good at hiding things. At posting pictures for social media that pose a life no where near our reality. And for what? To look good? To gain followers? In trying to be better then everyone else you cause humanity to become desensitized to what a picture truly is showing. All we do is look at the smile, like it and never look back.

I wish someone would of seen the light had been drained out of me. That that girl in the picture was not who she really is. Abuse doesn't have to be bruises, scraps and broken bones for it be real or happening. The wounds all too often are much deeper then that, buried way deep down inside the two most important parts of your body, your mind and your heart. Locked away with the key of your abuser, far out of reach for the naked eye to see and hidden behind a fake smile for the world to adore. That's exactly who the girl behind the smile was.

I look at that picture in comparison to now and God do I see pain. My eyes are swollen from crying, I lack confidence and I can feel the disgust and discomfort I felt in my own body at that moment. I can feel the weight of his words so heavily ringing in my ear until they pierce them with pain. And looking at that picture in a instance I am taken right back to that very moment, but about that smile eh, everything must be grand right?

Pictures aren't what they seem, social media isn't real life and abuse happens more often in ways you didn't consider. Take more then a second to like something and go about your day. That smile just may be crying out for help. Her beautiful eyes may show a brokenness you wouldn't of caught. And her body language is EVERYTHING, especially around other people.

Today that girl in the picture is still a bit broken because she's human, and miracles don't happen over night unless you're Jesus. But she's healing, she's trying and she's stronger then what she endured in her younger years. The fire is once again lit, never to be put out again in that soul of hers. She's more then a smile, she's a mother, a fighter and someone who will no longer remain silent.

Today I am grateful for this comparison challenge for it has opened the eyes of the world around to what abuse can look like. It has given the silenced a chance to be heard and "celebrate" how far they have come. Today I am thankful for both of those smiles as they have gotten me to where I am today, one hell of a force to be reckoned with.

When we deny the story, it defines us. But when we own the story we can write a brave ending. Post those pictures proudly, own your survival and be damn proud of who you are. You deserve a ending better then the one your abuser ever once made you believe you deserved. Break free from your painful past. Forgive, open yourself up to healing and let go. Find your freedom and never let it fly away from your grasp again. Today is your day to be whoever you want to be behind the pictures, make it someone you love.

Please reach out or seek help if you are currently or know someone in a similar situation. There is life after abuse and trust me, it's beautiful. You are worth it and don't ever forget that. If you are a survivor and feel comfortable, I encourage you to share your story, let your voice be heard and possibly help save the life's of countless others waiting for that sign.

A picture is worth a thousand words, what will yours say?