I am somebody

I am somebody, but who am I? When I look in the mirror I see one thing, when I listen so deeply to what others say I see another and when my daughter speaks her mind, well, I have absolutely no clue who the f*** I am. We all know motherhood changes you, but really, it changes you. It takes every ounce of knowledge and self awareness you have of yourself and throws it on the floor, just like your toddler probably has done many times today with their food. So after everything is said and done, who are you? Who are you once you become a mother? All I can simply say at the end of the day is, I am somebody.

I am somebody or at least I was before I had my little girl. I was that girl who hated school, social crowds and well just about majority of things that went along with high school. I was that girl longing to find her place, her reason or to just fit in. I felt most myself while in the comfort of my own home and struggled to open up to anyone. I was somebody begging to be heard. Somebody who had gotten lost and taken advantage of along the way and needed to find her saving grace.

I am somebody. I am somebody who is now a young single mother with not a clue in the world what the heck she is going to do, or how she is going to. But I somebody who refuses to give up. Who will stand with their back against the wall and still find a way to pull themselves out. I am somebody who has been put through hell and back and yet somehow manages to put a smile on her face day in and day out. I am somebody who continues to fight daily co parenting battles, some of which result in going to sleep crying or screaming from the aches and pains in the shower, but still gets up and kicks a** the next day. I am somebody who is a force to be reckoned with.

When I look in the mirror I see bags under my eyes, exhaustion, stress and loads of anxiety. I see the weight these past 5 years have had on me and still continue to carry on my shoulders. When others look at me they tell me I'm strong, a good mother and of course tired (can't disagree with them there ha). And when my daughter looks at me she tells me she loves me, that I am the best mom in the whole world (depends on the day) and that I'm pretty. But who am I?

All I know is I am somebody. I am not who I used to be and I am not who I am supposed to be. I am exactly where I am meant to be. I am not and will never be everybody's cup of tea and that's okay. For today and always I will love the person I am and those who support me.

Motherhood changes you, let it. Embrace your past and appreciate your present without worrying about the future too much. You were somebody before you were a mother and you still are after, don't lose sight of that. I am somebody, who are you?