Every month or even day it seems there is a "national" day of something. From national daughters day to national chocolate day, there is always something random to celebrate, or at least give someone a valid reason to eat insane amounts of chocolate (that someone would be me). But this month there is a national awareness of something that is near and dear to my heart, something that affects more then a third of women in their lifetime, domestic abuse. October is domestic abuse awareness month and while it is not one to celebrate, it is one you owe it to yourself to pay attention to.
About a month ago in one of my single parent support groups, another mom posted a graphic that said, "Teach your daughters that coming home from a failed marriage is better then coming home in a coffin." And while for some of you reading that statement may come off drastic or harsh, it is the truth and too often something women don't realize. Society has taught us from a young age that if a boy puts you down, pulls your hair or teases you, he likes you. And oh, you should just smile and take it as a compliment. It is no wonder domestic abuse affects more then a third of women, because when a grown man is doing these things to us we are just telling ourselves it is out of love and it will get better. Trust me when I say it will not.
In a previous blog I touched on my abusive relationship, the one in which I became apart of that stastic. Domestic abuse is more then physical abuse, it is psychological, emotional and mental as well. It is waking up everyday and having a man tell you you are not good enough, no one will ever love you and that you need to change things about you. Domestic abuse is having your phone tracked, not being allowed to have friends and being constantly accused of the most irriational things. It takes away every sense of confidence, trust and self worth you have until you don't even know who you are. Domestic abuse strips you down to the core and leaves you broken on the side of the road.
My abuser thrived off what his words and actions did to me. He found joy in belitting me. He loved that he had every control over what I wore, said and more times then not even ate. Because god forbid I gain weight, I wouldn't hear the end of it. But this was love right? I mean he was only doing these things because he liked me. Domestic abuse is NOT love.
For too long I was scared to leave him. There was no way anyone would ever love me and if I dare tried to leave him, he would suck me right back in like he always did. You see once domestic abuse enters your mind, it is hard to shake. It is that annoying thought in the back of your mind that keeps poking you every few minutes to make sure you don't forget it. Domestic abuse forever changes the way you think. The wake up call however finally did come. The physical blow I took was enough to shake me to the core. If he hits you once, he will hit you again. Promise me you will leave long before then.
This october I am embracing my surivor status, I refuse to label myself a victim. Domestic abuse was me, it is not me. While the phyiscal marks may have faded, the emotional scars will always be there. I will still have anixety atacks when questioned even about the simplist things, self image will always be a struggle, I will have flashbacks from certain words or driving by his house and my guard will be up constantly. This october I am proud of myself for breaking free, I am proud of myself for finding strength and choosing to live my life. I refuse to be yet another statistic.
To all the surviors out there, you deserve to be proud. You are loved, you are enough and you are worth so much more then what your abuser put in your head. To anyone going through this currently, please get help or get out. Find the strength and set yourself free. And to all the parents out there raising little girls, please teach them it is never okay for a boy to treat you this way. It is better to come home from a failed marriage or relationship then in a coffin.
And to my sweet little girl, you are strong, you are beautiful, you are brave, you are smart and you are more then enough. Promise me you won't make the same mistakes I did. I will always be here to protect you. Don't give your heart to someone who isn't worthy. Today and everyday choose to live for you.
~I raise up my voice not so that I can shout, but so those without a voice can be heard~ Malala
