An open letter to him.

Before I continue this blog, I will specify who him is. Him is someone different for every girl, he is the boy or man who completely altered you, for better or worse. He is the one who upon hearing a song or smelling a certain scent, immediately brings you back to a moment frozen in time. For myself this boy is the one I met before having my little girl. The one I have opened up in the past a bit about, and who I feel the need to get my thoughts down on paper and off my chest once and for all. So without further ado, this open letter is to you.

Dear Him,

Today your face popped up in my friends you may know section on facebook, talk about a "great" way to start my day. Any other face I would of or have in the past just scrolled by, but yours, yours was a bit different. I didn't know whether to laugh, cry or curse facebook for that reminder. I won't lie and say I didn't do a bit of all three. Your picture, well your picture I wished came with a big warning sign slapped across your face. It might read a little something like "Narcasstic A**hole, proceed with caution", and that is putting it nicely. I wish looking back that someone would of given me a warning about you, that someone would of shared their open letter to you. And so while this may be addressed to you, it is also for every girl past and present you have affected.

To him, there was nothing more I wanted then to slap that silly grin off your face when I saw it. How someone can treat others like complete s*** and then go about their lives like nothing happened is beyond me. That silly grin preys on innocent girls, drawing them in and then draining the life out of them. It's the notorious grin that jabs the poisonous hooks of yours into girls who are drowning, begging to be saved. And trust me when I say you hook yourself deep enough without hesitation, making it nearly impossible to break free.

You took 2 years of my life, but more importantly you took away who I was. You took my mind and controlled my every thought. You took my body and used it as your punching bag, making sure I felt every emotional and physical blow you threw my way. You took my friends and made them run, run so far that some of them have still yet to look back. Worst of all, you took my happiness, my desire to laugh and love. You took that and crushed it beneath my own feet, all while smiling that f***ing horrible grin.

To him, I clicked on that profile of yours hoping to see you miserable. To see that karma has somehow caught up to you in life. And even though your social media page portrays that it hasn't, I will continue believing it has. Because while some may believe those silly lies and endless promises of yours, I see right through your bulls***. That sly grin of yours has no power over me anymore.

To him, I pray with every bone in my body our paths never cross again. I pray no other girls feel or deal with your unimaginable pain. I myself will never understand who you think you are, you are not half the man you paint yourself to be. Your day will come, trust me it will. One day you will experience the pain you so easily spewed upon others. One day this will all catch up to you, and God do I hope it slowly eats away at you. The end will have it's own grip wrapped so tightly around you making it difficult to breathe, just like you once did.

I write this letter to you while sitting beside my little girl. You can't even begin to imagine how grateful I am that she is not yours. You don't deserve that kind of precious love, as all you would do is destroy it. You can never love anything unless it benefits you, unless it succumbs to your every desire and move. You don't deserve the smile, joy and happiness a child brings. You once had that in me and I am so thankful I set myself free.

To him, today you wouldn't even recognize me. Today I stand tall and strong as a mom, raising my little girl to stand strongly on her own two feet. Making sure my daughter never feels as helpless and worthless as you once made me. Today I am proud of how far I have come. I have forgiven but not forgotten what you have done. I know when your day comes and your furture is in God's hands, justice will be served.

To him, you may of thought you broke me, but in reality you empowered me. Next time you think of using me as a puppet in your sad excuse of a show, remember who you are dealing with. You lit a fire under me that will never be put out.

To him, today I saw your picture and I had my few choice words, now I will continuing living my life happily, as I deserve. I am voiceless no more.

To him, one last thing before I am done, go f*** yourself please.

Sincerely,

The girl who is becoming all you once said she wouldn't.